QA on humility 3 – How can we be humble with those who are exploitative?

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QA on Humility 3 – How Can We Be Humble with Those Who Are Exploitative?

Question:
Do you have any advice for dealing with people who have a more exploitative mentality? How do we, as devotees, respond to such personalities?

Answer:
That’s an important question—and a challenging one. If we try to deal with everyone using a one-size-fits-all approach, it can often backfire. Krishna himself states in the Bhagavad-gita (4.11), ye yathā māṁ prapadyante tāṁs tathaiva bhajāmy aham—He reciprocates according to how people approach Him. Similarly, we too need to be reciprocal and adaptable in our interactions.

Reciprocity here doesn’t mean that if someone is yelling at us, we yell back. Rather, it means we assess the nature of the person and respond in a way that helps us be most effective. Let’s look at an example from the Mahabharata.

During the Kurukshetra war, Arjuna and Bhima fought many warriors. Some, like Karna and Duryodhana, had inner animosity toward the Pandavas. Others, like Bhishma and Drona, were caught in circumstantial conflict—they had affection for the Pandavas but were duty-bound to fight for the Kauravas.

So although externally the Pandavas were fighting both sets of people, their inner disposition—their attitude—was different. They dealt differently with Bhishma and Drona compared to how they dealt with Duryodhana and Karna.

That may sound abstract, but here’s the point:
If we stay focused on our purpose, our service, we can adapt our approach to each person accordingly.

For example:

• With someone respectful, we can have a constructive discussion and resolve things together.

• With someone rude or passive-aggressive, we may choose to ignore the barbs and continue doing what needs to be done.

• And if someone is repeatedly toxic or manipulative, we may need to stand up for ourselves firmly, though not aggressively.

Standing up for ourselves doesn’t mean we become arrogant—it means we protect our integrity and our service. This is what Vidura did in the Mahabharata.

Vidura was always advising Dhritarashtra and trying to restrain Duryodhana’s destructive behavior. After the disrobing of Draupadi, Vidura strongly spoke against it. Dhritarashtra had a moment of regret and fear and asked how to fix the situation. Vidura boldly advised him to return the kingdom to the Pandavas and restrain Duryodhana. This enraged Dhritarashtra, who accused Vidura of being partial and dismissed him from the court.

At that point, Vidura left. He joined the Pandavas in exile. His intention was not to oppose Dhritarashtra but to distance himself from wrong actions. Later, Dhritarashtra, realizing his mistake, called Vidura back, and Vidura returned—not out of weakness, but because he still wanted to minimize the damage.

Eventually, when war became inevitable, and Duryodhana grievously insulted Vidura (with Dhritarashtra remaining silent), Vidura left again—this time permanently. He didn’t want to be part of the Kaurava camp, which was on the path of destruction. After the war, when Dhritarashtra was devastated, Vidura returned—not to serve the king politically, but to help him renounce and detach spiritually.

So we see a pattern:

• One purpose (promote dharma and protect others),

• Multiple approaches, based on time, place, and circumstance.

If someone is exploitative:

• If we can help reduce the harm, we should.

• If staying near them harms us or enables their exploitation, we should step away.

• If we can serve a greater purpose from another position or in another way, we should do that.

True humility is not about tolerating abuse or enabling wrongdoers. It’s about recognizing our role in Krishna’s plan and acting in a way that aligns with dharma.

Questioner:
Yes, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much.