Gita key verses course 24 – Can sex be spiritual? – Gita 7.11

Topic Introduction: The Bhagavad Gita’s Teachings on Sex and Spirituality

Thank you all for joining today. In this session of our continued Bhagavad Gita course, we’ll delve into a very relevant and insightful topic that the Gita addresses. The seventh chapter, titled “Knowledge of the Absolute,” offers deep wisdom on issues that are central to human life. Today, we’ll primarily focus on two questions: Can sex be spiritual? and What is the difference between lust and love?

Krishna’s Perspective on Sex in the Bhagavad Gita

In the 7th chapter, verse 11, Krishna says:

“I am strength among the strong, especially the strength that is free from attachment and cravings, and I am the sex that is not contrary to religious principles.”

What does this mean? Krishna is highlighting that strength, when free from personal desires and attachments, is aligned with spiritual progress. Similarly, sex, when it adheres to dharma—meaning it does not violate religious principles—can be seen as part of the spiritual framework.

The Flow of the Bhagavad Gita: Detachment to Attachment

To understand this context, it’s important to look at the flow of the Bhagavad Gita. In the earlier chapters (up to Chapter 6), Krishna emphasizes detachment from the material world. The focus is on how detaching from worldly distractions allows us to connect with a higher spiritual reality.

For example, in 6.47, Krishna says:

“Among all yogis, the one who worships Me with unwavering faith and devotion is considered the highest.”

The Gita presents a gradual ascent from detaching from matter to becoming attached to the spiritual essence, ultimately culminating in attachment to Krishna, who is the Supreme reality.

A Shift in Mood from Detachment to Engaged Attachment

From the 7th chapter onward, the focus shifts. Rather than only detaching the mind from material things, Krishna now suggests a more integrated approach. The first verse of Chapter 7 emphasizes:

“Make your mind attached to Me, and I will describe the process for you.”

Krishna offers a path where attachment to Him naturally leads to the detachment from material desires. It’s like if someone is carrying a heavy bag of stones—rather than telling them to just drop it, you could show them something better to hold, like a bag full of jewels. As their attention shifts to the jewels, the stones naturally fall away.

A World-Engaging Path to Spirituality

The Gita now offers a world-encompassing approach to spirituality. Rather than a world-rejecting path (detaching from matter and focusing only on the spirit), Krishna guides us to see that spirit pervades matter. Spirituality isn’t about rejecting the world but recognizing that the world itself can be used for spiritual growth. This approach aligns with modern life, where science and technology help us improve the material world, and spirituality enhances our personal growth.

Krishna as the Essence of All Things

In Chapter 7, verse 7, Krishna describes Himself as:

“I am the thread of truth that pervades all of existence.”

This is an important point: Krishna is the underlying essence of all things. Everything in the world has a defining essence, and Krishna is that essence. When we start to see Krishna as the pervading force in all things, we can engage with the world spiritually, recognizing His presence in everything we encounter.

Today, we’ve seen that the Gita’s message regarding sex and spirituality is not about denying the world but understanding how the material world can be engaged in a spiritual way. When we connect with the spiritual essence of life, even things like sex can be aligned with higher spiritual principles.

In the upcoming sessions, we will continue exploring how the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita help us navigate our relationship with the world and the divine, ultimately guiding us toward a deeper connection with Krishna.

Krishna says that he is the essence behind the abilities of all great people. Whether we think of a cricketer like Sachin Tendulkar, a tennis player like Roger Federer, an artist like Michelangelo, or a musician like Mozart, we recognize them by their exceptional abilities. These abilities are what define them, and Krishna says, “I am that essence.” He explains how he pervades all of existence as the underlying thread of truth, offering examples to illustrate this. In verses 7.8 to 7.11, Krishna gives various examples, one of which highlights that he is the transformative force behind the strength in people. Krishna says, “I am the strength of the strong”, but this strength is not just any power. It is the power that is free from attachment, free from selfish desire. For instance, consider a situation where political or crowd power is being misused, such as in riots. This is not the kind of strength Krishna refers to. Rather, the strength Krishna speaks of is power used for good, for selfless purposes. Similarly, Krishna says, “I am the desire that is in line with dharma”, meaning the desire that is aligned with the principles of virtue. Today, we focus on sexual desire, which, in the Vedic tradition, is one of the four primary goals of life: dharma, artha, kama, and moksha. While one can fulfill desires (kama) and earn wealth (artha), these pursuits must be regulated by dharma, the principle of virtue. Krishna is emphasizing that not all desires are divine, but those that align with dharma are manifestations of the divine.

Now, let’s explore the implications of Krishna’s declaration. We’ll discuss three parts: how to see everything in light of life’s ultimate purpose, how to deal with things that divert us from this purpose, and how to harmonize things with it. The ultimate purpose of life, as we know from the Bhagavad Gita, is spiritual evolution—the development of our soul’s eternal connection with Krishna. Everything in life is meant to help us move towards a stronger, deeper relationship with Krishna. From Chapter 7 onward, Krishna focuses on an inclusive vision of spirituality—how even activities of the world can be used for spiritual growth.

When Krishna says “I am the thread underlying all of existence”, he is reminding us that everything is connected through him. We can connect with Krishna through everything, even through the things that may seem to disconnect us from him. The Gita teaches us that fixing our mind on Krishna doesn’t mean rejecting the world; rather, it means engaging with the world in a mood of service to Krishna. This principle will be elaborated in Chapter 10, where Krishna explains that all that is attractive in this world is a manifestation of his splendor. Whether it’s a person, a thing, or an experience, its attraction comes from Krishna, who is the source of all attraction.

Let’s take a practical example. Many things can distract us, like sports, movies, novels, or news. Let’s consider novels like Harry Potter or The Hunger Games. People get captivated by these stories. Someone who is not interested might wonder, “What’s so special about these books?” But the answer lies in the fact that these stories captivate us because they contain a spark of Krishna’s energy. Not everyone experiences this spark in the same way. For example, Indians are passionate about cricket, while Americans, who might not be familiar with the sport, may not understand its appeal. But for the fans, the attraction comes from Krishna’s energy embedded in the game.

To illustrate this further, imagine Krishna as the ocean, and we are all pursuing drops from that ocean. We each pursue different things in the world that captivate us. These “drops” are reflections of Krishna’s beauty and energy, and we are naturally drawn to them. The point is that everything attractive ultimately connects to Krishna. The key is not to reject these things but to recognize that their attraction is rooted in him.

Consider another metaphor: a person in a desert walking toward an ocean. There are three possible paths: one that leads directly to the ocean, one that leads away from it, and one that runs parallel to it. Similarly, we all pursue different aspects of Krishna’s energy, but in the end, all paths that lead us toward beauty, goodness, and attraction are connected to Krishna, whether we consciously realize it or not.

The Gita teaches us that we can harmonize everything in our lives with Krishna’s ultimate purpose by recognizing the divine essence in everything. Whether it’s our desires, our talents, or the things that captivate us, we can redirect them towards spiritual growth, seeing everything as an opportunity to connect with Krishna.

So what do we mean over here? Suppose, along this path where you see the arrows, there are some drops of water over there. Now, what may happen on seeing such drops is that the person may say, “Oh, I’m thirsty; I need some water, so let me look for this water.” In looking for that water, they start pursuing it and move in that direction. So now, all the water in the vicinity of the desert, which is near the ocean or that oasis, where has it come from? That water has come from the ocean itself. But not all those drops will take that person toward the ocean. If there was a stormy wind, and because of that, the water came or some water got swept, there are drops in the direction indicated by the red arrows. The red arrows show that these drops are in a direction opposite to the ocean. So, if someone starts chasing those drops, they will not go closer to the ocean. Or, if someone starts chasing the drops shown by the black arrows, which are parallel to the ocean, again that person will not get to the ocean. Why not? Because those drops are not taking them toward the ocean. It is only the white arrows, the drops in that direction, which will take them toward the ocean.

So, just the presence of water, the presence of drops of water, indicates the presence of the ocean. But the direction in which the arrows of the drops are present doesn’t necessarily indicate that this is the direction where the water is.

So, what does this mean for us practically? Everything attractive comes from Krishna, but everything attractive doesn’t always take us to Krishna. The source and destination may not always be the same. If something attracts us toward Krishna or something we find attractive, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will take us toward Krishna. It may take us away from Krishna as well. So, that’s why we have to know what life’s ultimate purpose is, and then we see how whatever we are doing reflects or where the direction we are going takes us—whether that is taking us toward life’s ultimate purpose or away from it. To the extent we can see that, to that extent we can act properly.

Just because I feel attracted to it, should I do this? Well, not necessarily. Even if we understand that, okay, I’m feeling attracted to this because I’m attracted to Krishna—rather, this is a manifestation of Krishna—well, it is a manifestation of Krishna, but is it going to take me toward Krishna? That is something we have to consider. So, we need to become conscious of Krishna in the things that make us unconscious of Krishna.

For example, suppose somebody’s an alcoholic, and as soon as they think of a bottle of alcohol, they just get captivated by it—thinking, “When can I drink it?” Then they drink it, and maybe get into an alcohol-induced stupor, fall asleep, or experience a hangover. Through all that process, they’re not conscious of Krishna at all. So, is that alcohol Krishna? Well, alcohol is not Krishna, but the capacity of that alcohol to attract someone—that capacity is actually a spark of Krishna. Now, Prabhupada said that if someone cannot give up alcohol, he said this in his book On the Way to Krishna, then they can think that the taste of alcohol is Krishna. By thinking that the taste of alcohol is Krishna, what will happen? They will remember Krishna. And by such remembrance of Krishna, they will one day become devotees of Krishna—they’ll become attracted to Krishna. So, not by drinking alcohol will they go toward Krishna, but by remembering Krishna, and this capacity of alcohol to attract comes from Krishna. It will take me toward Krishna if I remember Krishna.

So, that’s why normally alcohol makes somebody unconscious of Krishna. But, rather than simply getting captivated by it, if one thinks, “Okay, what is it that is captivating me so much?”—well, what is captivating me is actually Krishna. It is a spark of Krishna that is manifesting over here. So, learn to become conscious of Krishna in the things that make us unconscious of Krishna.

Normally, when we are captivated by some temptation, we just don’t think about Krishna at all. Similarly, when there is a great threat, say a pandemic has swept across the world or we might live in a place where there is a threat of a storm or things like that, even the destructive power of nature ultimately reminds us of how there are realities bigger than us. Nature is working under Krishna’s control. So, many times when people experience natural calamities, they see this as a god-like power. This is scary. It jolts us out of our daily conceptions and routines.

So, whenever something just grips our attention, rather than simply letting our attention get caught in it, we can think and understand, “Okay, this is manifesting a spark of Krishna’s splendor.” Now, we may not remember it at that time, but even if we remember it before or after, at least that remembrance of Krishna is there. So that makes us conscious of Krishna.

Now, Prabhupada writes in one of the purports in this same section, 7.8 to 12, that the jurisdiction of Krishna extends everywhere, and one who knows this is fortunate. So, the jurisdiction of Krishna—Krishna is not… some people have this idea that this whole world is profane. Profane is the opposite of sacred—it’s unholy, impure. God is pure, and we need to give up the impure to go toward the pure. Well, yes, we definitely need to purify ourselves, but to consider the world to be profane or impure is an incorrect understanding. The jurisdiction of Krishna extends everywhere, even in what we consider the profane world. There, Krishna’s jurisdiction is there, and if we can pursue that Krishna connection, then we are fortunate.

So, this was a broad thing—we need to see everything in life in terms of life’s ultimate purpose. Then, how do we deal with things that distract us from life’s purpose? One of the major distractors is sex, and the attraction between the male and female that eventually leads to sex. So, this particular section, I’m going to discuss this topic: dharma aviruddha bhuteshu, kamo smibhara tarshaba. Krishna says, “I am sex life that is not contrary to religious principles.” So, how can sex life be related to life’s ultimate purpose?

So, what is sex pursued for? If you want to consider that broadly speaking, let’s, before we start with human beings, start with animals or nature in general. The primary purpose of sex is reproduction. So, if somebody has lived on a cow farm, for example, where cows are taken care of, then there are biological or environmental cycles. The cows go into heat, and when they are in heat, they start exhibiting certain behaviors, certain symptoms. At that time, they need to be united with the bull, and when the cow and the bull come together, conception happens, and eventually reproduction occurs.

So, if we consider the animal world, it is largely biologically triggered—there are certain hormones secreted in the body, and they are, of course, associated with certain seasons and environmental cycles. But the point is, in nature, sex is primarily a means for reproduction. So, there is union, population, and procreation, and, of course, there are a few organisms that reproduce asexually, but that’s very rare, especially as consciousness develops.

Now, if we consider the microscopic organisms like bacteria and others, or plants, even in plants, there’s no literal physical union like in animals. Plants have reproductive organs, the flower, the androecium, and the gynoecium. The pollen is blown by the wind from one flower to another, and when it falls in the right place, reproduction happens.

So, basically, the soul evolves through various species, and the lower the species in which the soul is present, the less the expression of consciousness. Just like in microscopic organisms or even in plants, the expression of consciousness is very limited. And the pleasure associated with the expression of consciousness is also very limited. So, there is practically no sexual pleasure in animals. There is reproduction, but the point I’m making is that reproduction is something pursued by all living beings, and it’s essential for survival.

As consciousness develops in the natural world across various species, one of the major ways reproduction is pursued is through sex. Now, while reproduction is the primary purpose, there are a couple of other purposes as well. When we consider society among various species in nature, the human progeny requires the most care and the longest care compared to other species.

For example, if you consider birds, sometimes birds lay eggs and sit on them until they hatch. Sometimes, species like seagulls or some other aquatic birds just have their progeny and go away, and sometimes the parents and the progeny don’t even see each other much. So, there are different ways in which the newborn progeny depends on its parents in its formative years or infancy. That varies from species to species. But a human progeny, a human baby, after it is born, is completely helpless. If a baby were abandoned all alone, it wouldn’t survive.

So, by nature’s arrangement, pair bonding refers to two members of a species coming together for reproduction. There is a bonding that forms between them, and pair bonding enables the couple to be united together so that they can carry on the responsibility of reproduction. And, of course, there is pleasure. There is the release or activation of hormones and the release of certain fluids in the body, leading to an intense sensation of pleasure when one unites for the process of sex.

Now, if you consider broadly these three purposes, the primary purpose is reproduction. That is how human beings survive and reproduce. The remaining two purposes are like add-ons, which assist the first. So, pair bonding and pleasure help. As I said, the male and female in the human species have to take responsibility and care for their progeny. Unless they are reasonably bonded together, they cannot do that.

In more polite circles, the word for sex is often “physical intimacy.” Now, physical intimacy or pair bonding—the point of that is that when two people are together, and they take on the responsibility of having a child, they can take care of the child. The Bhagavatam, in its third canto, says that the whole process of bonding with another human being, the whole process of taking care of a third human being, involves a significant level of anxiety and responsibility. And unless there were some pleasure, people would not take it up.

So, the pleasure is given within nature, and it helps to mitigate the anxiety associated with pair bonding and reproduction. Now, of course, when we bond with a human being, that itself gives some pleasure. When we see a child, and the child grows up to become a wonderful human being, that also gives pleasure. It’s not that pleasure is only in the sexual act, but the point is that there is a significant amount of anxiety that comes with it.

Now, if you consider broadly the purposes for which certain things are done, in traditional society as well as modern society, in traditional society it was understood that reproduction is the primary purpose. Of course, people wanted to have a life partner, there was pair bonding, and of course, there was hope for pleasure. But if you consider, say, the Bhagavatam or even Germanic sagas from Europe and other places, often kings would have anxiety about having an heir—who would succeed, who would carry on the responsibilities. In fact, even now, people from one or two generations before us often have this anxiety: “Who will carry on our dynasty? Who will carry on our legacy? Who will carry on the name of the dynasty?” That’s why they say you need to procreate. That is considered one of the duties within the broader Vedic tradition.

Now, sometimes people who are too influenced by modern and postmodern views ask, “What’s the point of continuing one’s dynasty? What does it even mean?” It doesn’t make any sense because we often have a very fragmented view of ourselves. We consider ourselves entirely autonomous units, capable of doing whatever we want, and we feel that we deserve the freedom to do whatever we want. But we are not entirely autonomous. We exist in various larger units. We exist in a dynasty, in a nation, in a community, and each of these brings certain duties with it.

So, traditionally, marriage and producing children have a sanctity associated with them because that’s how one continues the existence of the human species and also continues a particular dynasty. We are living because of all that our ancestors did in the past, and then we need to pass it on to a future generation. We need to continue the dynasty.

So, the idea was that sometimes the pleasure motive can dominate and drive people. Sometimes, pair bonding, the ritual for pair bonding, is marriage. So, traditionally, union between a man and a woman would happen after marriage. Through marriage, a formal pair bonding happens, and then people take on the responsibility of having children. But it could happen that, in the past, a man and woman get very strongly attracted to each other. When they get attracted, they might unite, even without formalizing their relationship through a sacred marriage. However, when this happens, and especially if pregnancy occurs, people would understand that they have to take responsibility and then get married. This would be called a “shotgun marriage.” A “shotgun marriage” means that the father of the girl would stand with a shotgun behind the head of the man and say, “You have to take responsibility.”

Now, this is a very elaborate subject, but I’ll mention it briefly. In the past, the institution of marriage was considered extremely important and sacred, and sometimes it mattered as much as, or even more than, the person to whom someone was getting married. I repeat: the institution of marriage mattered as much, or if not more, than the person to whom someone was getting married. This means that if I am married, then I am committed. I have to take responsibility, and I have to make sure we make this work.

Now, it’s not that in the past, when marriages were arranged, people were always happy in all the marriages. But when the primary purpose was clearly understood—that this is a responsibility and a sacred responsibility—then the other purposes, such as how well one gets along with the person or how much pleasure one gets in bonding with them, were secondary.

When the primary purpose of reproduction is set aside and pair bonding is sought, we can separate pair bonding and pleasure. Pair bonding is more about an emotional connection with the other person, while pleasure is more about physical stimulation that comes with the act of copulation.

Now, if we consider the situation when the primary purpose of reproduction is set aside, then all that matters is pair bonding or pleasure. Any activity that is not pursued for a higher purpose, not pursued with a sense of positive responsibility, soon devolves into meaninglessness. For example, when pleasure is divorced from pair bonding for procreation, the pleasure itself gradually becomes pointless.

What do I mean by that? From the 1960s onward, especially in America and Western cultures, there was what is called the sexual revolution. Psychologists like Sigmund Freud, who observed mental health problems starting in the early 20th century, suggested that these issues were caused by various factors, including urbanization, which uprooted people from their traditional settings and their sense of belonging. Urbanization and commercialization made people feel lonely in an ultra-competitive environment.

Freud proposed that most mental health problems were due to sexual repression—the repressed desires of the libido. Some people felt the solution was unrestricted sexual expression. They believed that marriage and other traditional structures didn’t allow them to express love freely. As a result, the sexual revolution led to sex being separated from marriage.

Now, of course, in the Western and Westernized world, it’s quite common for people to come together without any thought of marriage. But what happened as a result of this? In the 1990s, Harvard Medical School conducted a survey (which has been repeated by other institutions as well), and it found that people who lived through this “free sex” culture often felt very lonely and guilty. Lonely because, although their bodies were coming in touch with many other bodies, their hearts remained untouched. They knew they were just using someone else to relieve an itch, and the other person was using them for the same purpose.

Eventually, what happened was that sexual pleasure itself became pointless. This is the irony: the more sex is glamorized, the more it is trivialized. What do I mean by glamorized? In traditional cultures, whether in India or the West, sexual activity was not publicly depicted. Physical intimacy and acts associated with it were generally private. But now, public depictions happen, and there’s a huge sense of mystique surrounding it, as if something extraordinary or wonderful is going to happen. But ironically, the more the media glamorizes sex, the more, in real life, sex becomes trivialized.

Trivialized means that there are cases where people go to a bar, drink, pick up someone, and the next morning, they don’t even know the name of the person they had sex with. It becomes something very trivial.

The Power of Sex and Its Impact on Society

It’s ironic that the more we glamorize sex in our imaginations, the more trivial it becomes in real life. While some treat it casually, thinking that sex is just about doing whatever they want with whoever they want, it is far from trivial. In fact, sex is an incredibly powerful force, one that is too significant to be simply “tamed” or approached lightly.

A clear example of this is seen in the contemporary MeToo movement, where many women in the workplace shared their experiences of sexual exploitation by their employers and others in positions of power. While this behavior is reprehensible, the movement reveals something deeper about society’s view of sex.

In mainstream culture, there’s often the assumption that sex is personal and enjoyable—much like any other recreational activity. The pioneers of the sexual revolution, for example, championed the notion of “get your religion out of my bedroom.” They argued that sex should be an individual choice without interference, likening it to any casual pleasure like eating food or watching a movie.

While individuals do have the freedom to think and act as they choose, the question remains: Is sex really just another casual pleasure? Mainstream media often portrays sex in a way that suggests it is no more significant than watching a football game or enjoying a night out at a bar. Yet, is it really that simple?

Consider this analogy: If someone were to force you to watch a football game, you wouldn’t hold a grudge for decades or file a lawsuit over it. It’s a passing activity. But sex isn’t like that. Even if we didn’t want it, there’s a significant emotional investment and a sense of personal privacy involved. The consequences of sex are profound and long-lasting, unlike other recreational activities.

The Glamour and Trivialization of Sex in Media

The media tends to both glamorize sex with a sense of mystique, while also trivializing it by suggesting that it can be done impulsively, at any time, and with anyone. However, in reality, sex is far more complex and impactful than this portrayal.

Sex isn’t just another enjoyable activity on a menu of pleasures. It’s a powerful force that can shape our emotions and lives in profound ways. The urge for sex can sometimes lead people to do harmful things—such as sexual exploitation—highlighting just how potent and risky this force can be.

Why Sex Has Traditionally Been Regulated

Traditionally, sex has been regulated not because it is inherently sinful, but because it is recognized as an incredibly powerful force. The comparison can be made to nuclear weapons. Just as nuclear weapons are in a category of their own due to their destructive potential, sex, among all human pleasures, holds a similarly exceptional power.

Sex is capable of creating new life, something no other pleasurable activity can do. After eating food, for example, we simply digest and expel it from our bodies. But sex is unique in that it can result in the creation of life, an outcome that carries enormous significance and consequence.

While modern society may attempt to treat sex as just another casual pleasure, its real power cannot be ignored. It is too significant, too transformative, and too capable of affecting human lives in deep ways. The regulation of sex in traditional societies wasn’t about repression, but rather about respecting its immense power. Like nuclear weapons, sex requires careful handling, deep respect, and understanding of its potential consequences.

The Relegation of Purpose and the Consequences in Modern Society

In modern society, the primary purpose of life has been relegated to something incidental or even non-essential. This disruption of the natural order leads to people pursuing sex not for pair bonding, but for pleasure alone. Sex, which is sacred and powerful, when not properly regulated, can create chaos in society. This is exactly what we see happening more and more today.

Ironically, surveys from the 1960s to the early 2010s show a clear paradox. Despite greater freedom and liberty, people are more anxious and more lonely. Books like The American Paradox highlight how, amidst plenty, anxiety has increased, and marriage stability has decreased. More and more people are struggling with loneliness. The reason for this is clear: When we disconnect something from its higher purpose, we invite disorder and frustration into our lives.

Pleasure vs. Life’s Purpose

Seeking pleasure is not inherently a problem. In fact, all humans seek pleasure, but we also seek meaningful pleasure. Earlier, I mentioned how if someone offered you the chance to live with no financial concerns or social responsibilities, but only to watch comedies forever, you might enjoy it for a while, but eventually, you’d become bored. Why? Because we seek purpose, not just pleasure. The same principle applies to sex. When we pursue sex purely for pleasure, without considering its higher purpose, it leads to problems.

Sex, Kama, and the Role of Dharma

Sexual desire is a part of human life, but like all aspects of life, it must be pursued with a sense of balance. In the Kama Sutra, the famous text about sexual pleasure, the goal is not to encourage indulgence but to emphasize that Kama (pleasure) should not be pursued independently of Dharma (righteousness), Artha (prosperity), and Moksha (spiritual liberation). Kama is just one aspect of life, and it should always be aligned with the other purposes.

When we talk about male-female attraction, it’s important to distinguish between romantic, erotic, and pornographic depictions. In many traditional cultures, including India, romantic attraction is described as a relationship where physical attraction is part of a broader connection and a desire to build a life together.

The Nature of Attraction

In romantic attraction, the focus is on building a relationship. For example, in Vedic literature, the romantic attraction between figures like Arjuna and Subhadra is described as part of a deeper connection. Erotic attraction, however, places an inordinate emphasis on the physical, often elevating the sexual aspect over the relationship.

Finally, pornography completely detaches sex from any context of relationship, procreation, or pair bonding. Instead, it objectifies individuals purely for personal pleasure, dehumanizing them in the process. This is the most harmful aspect of the modern view of sex.

Sex in Sacred Texts vs. Pornography

Though sacred texts, including the Bhagavatam or Ramayana, may contain explicit descriptions, they are often framed in the context of romantic attraction or relationships. These texts do not promote or glorify the harmful aspects of sexuality found in pornography. Pornography, as we know it today, is about triggering desires and manipulating individuals for selfish purposes, rather than recognizing the sacredness and significance of the human experience.

The Disruption of Purpose in Modern Society

In modern society, the primary purpose of life has been diminished, often treated as incidental or non-essential. This shift leads people to pursue sex not as a means for pair bonding, but simply for pleasure. Sex, which is sacred and powerful, when unregulated, creates chaos in society. We are witnessing this growing trend today.

Ironically, surveys from the 1960s to the early 2010s reveal a paradox. Despite increased freedom and liberty, anxiety has grown, and loneliness has risen. Books like The American Paradox show that amidst material abundance, mental well-being has declined. Marriage stability has weakened, and more individuals report feeling lonely. This is clear evidence that when we sever something from its higher purpose, we invite disorder and frustration into our lives.

Pleasure vs. Purpose

Seeking pleasure isn’t inherently bad. Humans naturally seek pleasure, but we also yearn for meaningful pleasure. For instance, imagine being offered a life free of financial worries and social responsibilities, where your only activity is to watch comedies. At first, it might seem enjoyable, but eventually, you’d grow bored. Why? Because we crave purpose, not just pleasure. This principle applies to sex as well. When sex is pursued merely for pleasure, without aligning with its higher purpose, it leads to problems.

Sex, Kama, and Dharma

Sexual desire is a part of life, but like any aspect of life, it must be pursued with balance. The Kama Sutra, a well-known text on sexual pleasure, does not encourage indulgence for its own sake. Instead, it emphasizes that Kama (pleasure) should never be pursued independently of Dharma (righteousness), Artha (prosperity), and Moksha (spiritual liberation). Kama is just one facet of life, and it should always be considered in relation to these other purposes.

When discussing male-female attraction, it’s crucial to differentiate between romantic, erotic, and pornographic depictions. In many traditional cultures, including India, romantic attraction involves a deeper relationship where physical attraction is part of a broader connection, with the ultimate goal of building a life together.

The Nature of Attraction

Romantic attraction is about forming a relationship. For example, in Vedic literature, the romantic connection between Arjuna and Subhadra illustrates a deeper, meaningful bond. Erotic attraction, however, overemphasizes the physical aspect, reducing the relationship to just the sexual dimension.

Pornography, on the other hand, detaches sex entirely from any relationship, procreation, or pair bonding. It objectifies people for personal pleasure, dehumanizing them in the process. This is one of the most harmful consequences of the modern view of sex.

While sacred texts like the Bhagavatam or Ramayana may contain explicit references, these are often part of a broader romantic context, focusing on relationships rather than mere sexual pleasure. These texts do not promote the harmful aspects of sexuality found in pornography. Pornography, as we know it today, is about triggering desires to manipulate individuals for selfish purposes, rather than recognizing the sacredness and significance of the human experience.

If one pursues one’s sexuality, then through sex, one can also pursue life’s purpose and experience God. The Gita’s message is that God is so inclusive that even through activities seen as non-devotional or non-spiritual, such as sex or war, God can be experienced if God is the ultimate purpose of what we are doing.

Thank you very much. Are there any questions?

When I say that we can connect with Krishna through activities that disconnect us from Him, does this mean we can connect with Krishna through gambling or stealing? No, and I was very careful when I mentioned that. Prabhupada said that if someone cannot give up drinking alcohol, then while drinking alcohol, they can think of Krishna. It is not the drinking of alcohol that will take them toward Krishna, but remembering Krishna that will gradually help them grow spiritually. They grow spiritually until they eventually become connected with Krishna and attain Him.

The idea is that the remembrance of Krishna is what will take us toward Him. Those particular activities won’t take us toward Krishna, but sometimes we become so frustrated with a particular activity that we’re trying to give up, yet we can’t, and it pulls us in so much. We become very frustrated and disheartened by that. But we need to understand that the activity is attracting us because the spark of Krishna is being manifested in it. We need to see how that spark—whatever is the spark over there—Krishna is that pole. So, how can I connect with Krishna more congenially, more attractively, more holistically? That connection with Krishna is what will help us come toward Him. So, that devotional connection can be reinforced by properly seeing the things that disconnect us—not by engaging in those things.

If everything comes from Krishna, does everything unattractive also come from Krishna? Yes, of course. Does that mean it contradicts Krishna being all-attractive? No, Krishna is all-attractive. But depending on how much something is disconnected from Krishna, to that extent it manifests or doesn’t manifest Krishna’s all-attractiveness.

For example, the sun is the source of light, but the further we go away from the sun, or the further we turn away from it, the more we see darkness. There will be no darkness if there were no sun, because the concept of light and darkness exists because the sun is there. Darkness doesn’t exist by itself; it is caused by turning away from or moving away from the sun.

Similarly, when people say someone is unattractive in a particular way—whether physically, in terms of personality, or otherwise—we understand that this is the result of one’s own past karma. This is not meant to demonize the person, but to understand it contextually. Why did they do that particular karma, which has led to this reaction? It’s because they were captivated by something disconnected from Krishna. So they did activities involving negative karma, being impelled by things separated from Krishna. In that sense, everything comes from Krishna, but not everything reflects Krishna’s attractiveness. How much it reflects Krishna’s attractiveness depends on how close it is to Krishna or how far it is from Krishna. The further it is, the less it will reflect Krishna’s attractiveness.

Can we say that the extent of care that a species needs is related to the level of intelligence of the species? The more intelligent the species, the more care it requires? Yes, there’s a very interesting analysis of how many characteristics in a particular species are inherited and how many are developed or cultivated. The lower the species, the more it functions by inherited characteristics. For example, if a dog is a pet and taught certain skills, does that mean its puppies will automatically learn those skills? Not really. The puppies may grow up in an environment where they can learn those skills faster if they are with the parent.

So, in lower species, most of the behavior is determined by inherited characteristics. But in humans, behavior is shaped largely by acquired characteristics. When we meet a person, we see how they speak and behave. While some of these behaviors are inherited, much of it is learned throughout their life. The inherited characteristics form the foundation, but the acquired characteristics shape the behavior significantly. These acquired characteristics take time to develop and require training.

In this sense, humans require significant care because their behavior, which comprises intelligence and cultured behavior, must be learned. And the ultimate training required is to pursue spiritual growth and develop spiritual love for Krishna. Humans are arranged by nature to require a significant amount of care for the acquired characteristics to be properly learned.

Thank you. It’s best to have one question at a time. I’ll answer some questions now.

Why has divorce become so prevalent, and marriage so unstable? Why do people engage more in illicit ways? What is the practical solution for this?

This is a complicated issue, but I’ll talk about it in three broad aspects. One is the cultural glamorization of sex and often the demonization or ridicule of traditional regulations surrounding sexuality. Often, traditional regulations are considered old-fashioned or primitive, and words like “moral policing” are used. People think they’re doing something special when they break from tradition.

For example, the human urge for sensual pleasures has always existed. But in modern movies, when there are explicit scenes, they’re often called “bold scenes.” Is that really bold? It’s basically being explicit. But by calling it bold, what happens is that the opposite of bold is cowardly. Does that mean someone who dresses traditionally is cowardly, and someone who dresses explicitly is bold? When language is manipulated, the culture broadly depicts the glamorization of sexuality as something special. This makes people crave something that is not normally available.

So what happens when sex is associated with marriage is that one’s mind is always imagining, “Oh, there is so much pleasure, so much pleasure, so much pleasure.” But once someone gets married and engages in the activity, they experience some pleasure. However, afterward, one realizes that the mind was just hyper-imagining. The reality is different from the imagination. But when there is constant bombardment of sexual imagery, people start thinking that it’s not that sex doesn’t give pleasure, but rather, the person they are having sex with is not giving them pleasure. They may think, “Maybe I should try with someone else.” Rather than gaining any realization or renunciation, the constant sexual stimulation offers so many alternatives, and people start to believe the next alternative will be better than what they have in the present.

The constant cultural glamorization of sex is one major reason why marriages are breaking down, because people feel they will get something better somewhere else. So, why restrict themselves to marriage?

The second factor is the way modern society works, reducing people to economic units within the system. Modern socio-economic structures are not very marriage-friendly. If people are educated to believe their primary self-worth comes from the amount of money they earn or from their position in the corporate world, then marriage, especially one that leads to procreation, seems less appealing. Unless marriage is associated with the fulfillment that comes from taking care of children, there is little incentive to stay in a long-term commitment.

This is particularly relevant to women. While modern culture often claims men and women are equal, women have the unique ability to bring new life into the world. When women are taught to set aside this unique power and strive to be equal to or better than men in the corporate world, one of the key incentives for marriage—pregnancy and child-rearing—becomes a career obstacle. The idea that having children will be detrimental to their career—because of the time spent taking care of children—removes one of the key motivations for staying in a committed relationship.

We can’t change the cultural glamorization of sex, but we can minimize our exposure to it. Similarly, we can’t change the socio-economic structure of society, but we need not buy into the definitions of success that society foists upon us. It’s not necessary for a woman to rise through the corporate ladder the same way a man does. Men and women are different by nature; women are more inclined toward relationships. This is part of nature’s arrangement, enabling them to care for babies who can’t express themselves with words. Without heightened emotional sensitivity, how could mothers care for such children?

The pressure to conform to corporate or socio-economic definitions of success leads to disempowerment, especially when it comes to having children and forming long-term relationships.

Finally, if there is no understanding of a spiritual purpose for life, relationships are often viewed solely for pleasure. If pleasure is absent, people may think there’s no point in the relationship. But if there’s a broader understanding that relationships serve a higher purpose—not just physical gratification but spiritual evolution—then whatever challenges arise in the relationship become opportunities for growth. Relationships can teach humility, tolerance, and sensitivity to the perspectives of others. There’s a reason to work through challenges if one sees the relationship as a means to grow spiritually. Without this understanding, people may think, “If I’m not getting pleasure, what’s the point of this relationship?” So, the lack of a spiritual purpose also destabilizes marriage.

When Prabhupada says that marriage is legal or illegal, it’s always troublesome, and it leads to obstacles in Krishna consciousness, implying that in householder life, spiritual advancement is almost nil—how do we understand this?

Context is critical for understanding any subject. If the statement is to be taken literally—that there’s no spiritual advancement in householder life—then we look at the tradition. Almost all the great sages were householders. For instance, Vasistha Muni was a householder, and even Shungi was the son of a householder. There are so many great sages who were householders. Were they not pursuing spiritual advancement? No, they were definitely pursuing spiritual advancement.

The point here is that one shouldn’t become infatuated with material desires. When Chaitanya Mahaprabhu says, “I don’t desire these things,” he is not condemning them but acknowledging that they can be distractions. The Bhagavatam, for example, is spoken to a person who is about to die. At that point, everything worldly—even pious or virtuous things—becomes a distraction. However, when Parikshit Maharaj was a householder, he didn’t view his responsibilities as distractions or burdens. He performed his duties diligently, recognizing that they were part of his spiritual path.

In our tradition, many of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s associates, in fact most of them, were grahasthas (householders). So, when Prabhupada talks about spiritual advancement being limited in grahastha ashram, it essentially means that if one becomes so infatuated with household life that they don’t make time or mental space for spiritual growth, then advancement is hindered. However, grahastha ashram is the traditionally recommended path for spiritual growth. In fact, the word ashram itself means a place where we seek Krishna’s shelter.

Our movement, the Krishna Consciousness movement, began at a time when most of Prabhupada’s early followers came from a counterculture that had no respect for the sanctity of marriage. This culture was rejecting the world, but not in a transcendental way, but rather in an ignorant way. Engaging in sex at that time often led to illicit relations. So, it was crucial for Prabhupada to address this context in his teachings, as it was important to prevent any misinterpretation. We cannot divorce Prabhupada’s statements from the broader tradition and context in which he was speaking.

We make spiritual advancement to the extent that we connect our consciousness with Krishna. If we connect with Krishna, it doesn’t matter what ashram we are in; we can make spiritual progress.

Now, let’s address two questions.

First, what is illicit sex?

Vyasadeva had children with other men’s wives, or Parashara Muni produced Vyasadeva through a relationship with a fisherwoman—this is not considered illicit. This topic is quite complex, but traditionally, procreation was considered a primary purpose of sexual union and was a sacred duty. There were certain rules within the tradition that allowed for exceptions in cases where a couple could not have children. For example, in the case of King Pandu, who was cursed not to be able to have children, or in the case of Ambika and Ambalika, whose husbands had passed away. In such cases, a relative or another respectable person would unite with the woman for the sole purpose of procreation. There would be no long-term relationship, and it was done under regulations.

Is this illicit? Not according to scripture, which provides authorization for such practices to ensure the continuity of the dynasty. These are exceptional cases, meant to ensure that the lineage continues, and they should not be confused with the usual rules for marriage.

Similarly, Parashara Muni’s union with the fisherwoman was exceptional. The union happened at a time when the cosmological arrangement indicated that a great soul could be born, which is why he united with her. From that union, the great saint Vyasadeva was born.

Generally, sex within marriage is not considered illicit. However, there are exceptional situations in which other forms of sex are permitted, but these exceptions do not contradict the standard. They are merely allowances for specific circumstances.

Now, let’s address the next question:

In today’s world, there are extremes—either people become too attached to sex life or too detached and irresponsible. The way spiritual organizations, including ISKCON, sometimes preach can lead to confusion. Over the past 50 years, ISKCON has made both positive and negative contributions to this issue.

One thing we must understand is that scriptures are taught in particular contexts by their teachers, and how people understand these teachings depends on their individual minds. In the modern world, it’s easy for the mind to fixate on one small idea and elevate it above everything else. In mainstream culture, sex is often viewed as the central purpose of life. Anything that interferes with it is demonized. In contrast, when people join spiritual organizations that teach renunciation, they may become fixated on the idea that sex is simply trouble and should be avoided.

Prabhupada once gave a radically different perspective on marriage. He said that the purpose of marriage is to be happy in life. This is quite different from the common idea that household life is simply bondage and misery. If two people come together properly within dharma (moral principles), they can experience happiness in their relationship. It may not be life’s ultimate happiness, but it can be fulfilling.

Just as there is a fixation on the glamorization of sex in materialistic culture, there can also be a fixation on the demonization of sex within spiritual culture. When this happens, it creates imbalance and leads to problems. People may bring too much of the renunciation ethos into their household life, where attachment and detachment are seen as the only two options. But life is more nuanced than that. Attachment means emotional entanglement, where our emotions are bound with no capacity for freedom. Commitment, on the other hand, means emotional investment, where we consciously direct our emotions toward a higher purpose.

As devotees evolve, both those who practice and those who teach, we move towards a more holistic understanding. This is why it’s helpful to have more than one teacher in our spiritual journey. If we only hear from one teacher, we may begin to equate their perspective with the only way to practice Krishna consciousness. That’s why we have the guiding principles of Guru, Sadhu, and Shastra. The guru represents Krishna, but the guru is still one person. We need other teachers—either past teachers in the tradition or contemporary ones. By learning from different teachers, we gain a broader and more balanced understanding, which leads to a more fruitful spiritual practice.

Thank you very much.