Guilt Management 2: When Guilt is Healthy.. Houston – Chaitanya Charan

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Spiritualization of emotions. That emotions are an integral part of who we are and what we do. At the same time, our emotions can very easily drag us into trouble. So, is there a way we can spiritualize our emotions? Now, what does spiritualizing emotions means?

It broadly has two components to it, that we develop spiritual emotions. That means we develop emotions in relationship with the Lord, in relationship with his various manifestations. So he is himself the spiritual reality, and emotions related with him are naturally spiritual. So spiritualizing emotions has this one component that we develop spiritual emotions. And the second component is that that we transform material emotions into spiritual.

Whatever emotions we may have in our relations with others, into spiritual. So, these are two distinct aspects of what needs to be done for spiritualizing emotions. Now, interestingly, in the Ramayana, both of these happen naturally, because what we would normally consider as material relationships are in the Ramayana relationships associated with the Lord. So he has a father and a mother, and their emotions in relationship with him, his his brother, his consort, his associates, his friends, his servitors. They all have emotions in relationship with him and while these emotions are very relatable to us as human beings, at the same time, these are also real emotions in relationship with the Lord.

So in that sense, the example of how material emotions can be spiritualized is very nicely depicted in the Ramayana. So yesterday, I was talking on the theme of guilt and guilt management. So I’ll continue with that, but we’ll focus on examples from the Ramayan. Because while there are many emotions which we may have, and the principles for spiritualizing emotions are relatively similar. And, for example, when Ram goes to the forest, the agony that the citizens experience, that is described in vivid terms in the Ramayana of Valmiki itself, as well as in subsequent poetic renditions.

And the citizens feel as if their life has been pulled out of their body and their heart. They feel as if we just can’t live. Now, just as when the Gopis see Krishna departing, At that time, there is not much mention of each individual gopi over there. We know in the Bhagavatam, there is no explicit reference even to Radharani. The Gopis are referred to as a generic Gopis in the plural.

The celebrated Gopi Gita also it is said, So Gopi would be a singular. Gopi Uvache is a plural. So similarly, just as the Gopis are referred to as one community, the Ayodhya Vasis are referred to as one community. And they are all experiencing utter agony and heartbreak at the prospect of Ram departing. Now, this is an emotion which if we love someone and that person is going away, we may also experience that emotion of separation and of the agony that comes because of separation.

Now while such emotion is understandable, because it is a relationship with the Lord, it becomes spiritualized. So now if you consider yesterday’s talk, I’ll do a quick recap. I talked about how guilt, we were talking about Yudhishthi experienced immense guilt feeling that I am not worthy of becoming the king. And then in relationship with that, he felt that he should just renounce the world. Let’s see if this stays.

Okay. I won’t move this now. So what happens we discussed is that guilt can arise from various causes. So yesterday I discussed four main causes of guilt. We’ll be talking about the spiritual one is because of misdeeds.

Somebody has done something wrong, and that’s why they feel guilty about it. Second is mistakes. They didn’t intend to do something wrong, but something bad happened. Then misapprehension. Excellent.

That we may be just reading the situation wrong. That’s why we feel guilty for something that we have not done at all. And last is manipulation. So yesterday I gave one example of guilt from the Ramayan itself. What was that?

Sita. Was there a guilt over there? I was talking about being manipulated by So guilt can come by how? That said, don’t you care for your son? Your son may be threatened if Ram becomes the king.

Do something to protect him. Do you have no love for your son? So she manipulated him through guilt, or she manipulated her through guilt. So this is manipulation. Now, if we consider there are various other ways also guilt can come.

In fact, while Lord Rama himself is the supreme lord, there’s one time, Ravan is charging through the Vanara army destroying everyone. And at that time, Ram goes forward to challenge, and Lakshman says, I will challenge. Ram says, be careful. He’s dangerous enemy. And Lakshman fights heroically, stuns Rawan, and Rawan becomes enraged and uses celestial weapon, and he just pierces into Lakshman’s chest, and Lakshman falls, apparently lifeless.

And at that time, Ram breaks down and he says, you know, I might get another wife like Sita, but I would never get another brother like Lakshman. He sacrificed everything for my what face will I now show to his mother, Supra? What will I tell her? Fire on me that I could neither be with my father during his last moments, nor could I stop my brother from being killed in front of my own eyes. What use is anything for me?

He starts breaking down in lamentation. So at that time, Jambavan, Hanuman, Sugriv, they’re all aggrieved, and they have a physician among them, Nala. And he comes forward and he just touches Lakshman. And Lakshman is lifeless, but he whispers something to Sugriva. And then Sugriva comes forward and says to Ram that please do not lament.

There is a chance that he can be revived. So sometimes we may feel guilty that we are responsible for things, but it may be that we are not actually guilty. So Ram and Lakshmana’s fall. She thought he was dead. Now, sometimes there are some mistakes that we do.

And at that time, we may feel guilty. Now this happens with Dashrath. Now Dashrath has given two bones to Kaikeyi, and on that particular day, when he comes in a very jubilant mood, because now his beloved son, Ram, is going to succeed, a parent’s greatest joy is that the child become not just as good as, but better than them. Parents, whatever they get, they want it. The best of the world to be offered to their children.

So he is in a very celebratory mood, and he comes to meet his favorite wife, and he can’t find her anywhere. And then he asks the maids, where is she? So, she is in a particular chamber which is called her a sulking chamber. When she is upset, she goes in that chamber and sulks. Why is she there?

And he goes there, he is very concerned and he sees that he is lying on the ground, utterly in distress and disarray. So he says, what is the matter, dear? He says, I have no hope, I have no protector, I am abandoned. No. What has happened?

He says, no. My situation is such that nobody can help me. He says, no. Whatever you I will do whatever I can. Will you promise me that you will, you will give me whatever I ask for?

So, Dasharaj Mahavadi is so excited. Sometimes when we are too emotional, if we have one emotion, there’s a lot of happiness. And when we are extremely happy, if some problem comes up. Now we don’t want to lose that happiness. We just want that problem to be fixed as quickly as possible.

So he says, yes, whatever you want, I will give you. I promise you in the name of my beloved son, Ram, that I will do whatever you tell. Then when she asks, send Ram to exile for fourteen years and make Bharat the king, Dasharat feels as if he suddenly entered into a horrible nightmare. He just looks he goes through a whole series of turbulent emotions. Disbelief, shock, anger, betrayal, despair, and then utter agony.

That’s the time when he starts he tries to beg Kaikeyi to relent. If you want Bharat to be the king, so be it. But please don’t send Ram to the forest. He has never harmed you, he has just treated you like his mother. And I will not be able to live without it.

So he see, in a relationship, there are three if say, in a relationship there are multiple people involved. So Dasharat makes a very heartfelt appeal considering all the three stakeholders. He says, why target Ram? Ram has never done anything wrong. Then he says, as far as you are concerned, he has always been respectful and loving towards you.

And third is himself. Yes, I won’t be able to live without him. But she just does not relate. Then when Ram starts going to the forest and Dasharat can do nothing, at that time he feels as if he has failed his son. A father would want to protect and give the best to the world, best of the world to his son.

And here, he has to watch on while his son has to suffer for no fault of his. And not only can he not do anything to stop the suffering, it is he who is the cause of that suffering. So at that time, he feels guilt. Why? Why did I ever make such a promise to Kaike?

Why did at that time give such two blanket boons? Like that? So, now, when Dashrut feels guilt no. He had no intention to hurt Ram or anyone else for that matter. So it could be said to be a mistake.

We can give promises, but the blanket promises are dangerous. The blanket promises can actually bury us in a blanket only. You know, we can just get completely suffocated. Now, there are misdeeds. Who does some misdeeds?

Who is the person who does misdeed in the Mahabharata? Sorry, in the Ramayan? Rawan. Now does Rawan feel guilt? No.

So we will discuss that psychology also. Now misdeeds are done by Rawan, but Rawan feels no guilt. So on but there is one more character whose action could be said to be somewhere between a mistake and a misdeed, And that is sugriyu. Can you think when this happens? Yes.

He takes his own sweet time to come to Yes. See what happens is, Sukhree has been living for years in a no Internet zone, and then he gets full WiFi, and he goes on a Netflix blinch for blinch for four months. He forget that his four four months are over now. So he has been living in royalty, and suddenly he’s exiled into the forest. And then he his situation is worse than Ram in many sense.

In because he does not have his family with him, and he has his brother out to kill him. So from being in that situation, when he gets his kingdom back, and because of reigns, he just can’t do anything. So he just gets into the revelry, and he forgets completely. He forgets that he has to help Ram to find Sita. Again, that’s not an intentional misdeed, but it does happen from his side.

And it’s misdeed is generally meant with that it’s intention. But it’s not just a mistake over here. It’s something more. He got into a certain level of enjoyment, and that was unhealthy. But let’s look at these.

So now, we say that there are a variety of situations and a variety of emotions that arise from those situations. We are focusing on guilt and the spiritualization of guilt today. So let’s look at what is to be done for dealing with various situations. Now first of all, what is guilt? Now guilt can be defined in various ways, but at one level, guilt is when we feel bad on doing something bad.

It’s a simple way to define guilt, that we feel bad on doing something bad. Now, I’ll just become a little technical over here to differentiate a few points. See, there is also regret. Now regret is slightly different from guilt. Guilt is generally associated with moral things.

I did something morally wrong. Now regret is often associated with emotional. Say for example, if we spoke something in a way that hurt someone else. Now maybe we use some words which are considered or is considered offensive. And then that person felt hurt.

So there’s regret over there. Regret is not the same as guilt. That in the same direction, what I did was bad. Now regret can also be because of some practical damage. No.

We do something and sometimes that action causes harm to someone. So guilt is slightly different from regret. Now, in this same direction, there is these two are not exactly the same. Now, beyond that, there is one more emotion before I move out of this technical stuff. So, there is guilt, there is regret, And then, there is a third thing, which is reform.

Now, before reform comes remorse. Now remorse is more internal. Now regret can be internal as well as external. I feel regret and I suppose somebody invites us for a program, and we are not able to go for that program. I regret to inform you that I won’t be able to come for the program.

So that regret is not I won’t say I feel guilty that I can’t come for your program. It’s regret. It’s it’s often functional. Now reform, on the other hand, is external. So we may feel remorse when we do something bad, and then we do some we do something to change ourselves for the better.

Now all of these are to some extent associated with something called conscience. Conscience is the Viveka Buddhi. So remorse is is and then reform is Then as an expression of regret, we might do some atonement. That is Prayashchit. And conscience is Viveka Buddhi.

So now the conscience is broad. What what is it? It is our innate sense of right and wrong. The sense within us of right and wrong. This is good, this is bad.

This is right, this is wrong. We all have an innate sense, and that sense needs to be developed. So for example, say, if we are rushing on some urgent errand through a crowded room, and while we are walking through a crowded room, we notice that we have stepped on someone’s foot. As soon as we notice it, immediately we say, sorry, sorry. We might touch their body and touch it to our head, whatever.

Now imagine if somebody notices that they stepped on someone’s foot and they look at that person. Oh, it’s you. They deliberately raise their foot and bang it again on the other person. So, that is basically being evil. Where we not just hurt others, it’s like guilt is we feel bad on doing something bad.

But a person who is evil feels good on doing something bad. So, Brugari, when he half killed animals and he saw them suffering, he would feel joy in that. Now, we may not be physically malicious like that in hurting someone, but we can be emotionally malicious sometimes. That means we hear something about someone. And if that became widely known, that would hurt that person’s reputation, that could harm that person’s service.

But sometimes we just broadcast it. I am doing it in public interest. It’s not in public interest, it’s in personal interest. Isn’t it? It is.

It is because we want to get back at that person. So sometimes, our lack of conscience can be seen in when we gossip. Generally, for gossip to happen, two things have to come together. It is, we learn we need learn something we like. We come to know something we like, about someone we don’t like.

So when these two things happen together, when we hear something we like about someone we don’t like, oh, wow. This person pretends to be such a good person. Now I will unmask the reality of who they are. So this is when gossip starts off. The Sanskrit word for gossip is is a much broader category, but gossip will also fall in So sometimes people who gossip, they also have a distorted sense of conscience.

Their conscience is not working. So generally, if somebody has some challenges in their personal life, it happened with Srila Prabhupada that one of his senior leaders had some severe challenges. And he sent a letter and Prabhupada the letters that were sent to Prabhupada were read by his servant to Prabhupada. And this servant told this will happen in Mayapur. He told everyone that this has happened with this devotee.

This has happened with this devotee. And Prabhupada was very upset. He said, why did you tell like this? He wrote to me in confidence. One of the limbs of bhakti is guhyam akhyaati prucshati.

That guhyya, the confidentiality is very important. A, we truly want to have a community, we need to have in the community people whom we can trust. And that trust, one major aspect of earning trust is the capacity to keep confidences. So otherwise, surveys show that people in religious communities where there are high moral standards, such people actually feel more lonely than people in the secular world. Generally, pump people come to religious and spiritual groups because they want a closer sense of community, because the materialistic world is lonely.

But if we do not learn to keep confidences, then we will actually sentence people in our own community to far greater loneliness, because nobody will wanna share their hearts. Or whatever we call as sharing the hearts will only be where is the surface and we will not be able to connect at a deeper level. So anyway, so this is where guilt, if I have told something to others which was told to me in confidence, I should feel guilty about it. When we do something wrong, it is important that we feel that I did something bad. So guilt itself is not a bad thing.

Now guilt is actually a psychological protection mechanism. Just like there is a physical protection mechanism. Say, if let’s say there’s a current in this particular thing. A live current going on. I touch this and I feel current.

That immediately, I feel that current, I feel that pain, and my hand will not go over there. I’ll make sure that my hand doesn’t go over there. So just as that physical sensation of pain protects us from stimuli that will cause us pain, similarly, the emotional emotional sensation of guilt is meant to protect us from actions that are wrong, that are hurtful. So guilt itself is, is actually a necessary part of our psychological set up that Krishna has given us. So guilt is not bad.

However, there’s a problem that with respect to guilt, guilt can become misformed, misled, or misdirected. Now, when guilt is misdirected, what happens? Two things happen. We feel it when we shouldn’t, and we don’t feel it when we should. So feel it when not necessary.

So for example, I know one devotee here in America. He told me that he grew in a family, where for generations of course America doesn’t go for many generations, two hundred years, twelve, twelve fifty years old country. But he said for generations, they went into cattle breeding. And that was just their profession. So eating meat, beef, just a part of their profession, and that is a part of their family lineage.

So he said, when he started practicing Bhakti, and he started becoming a vegetarian, he said, I started feeling guilty as if I am betraying my family and my dynasty. So we eat meat all the time. At that time, he had showed me some cartoon. One point, one American asked another American, he says, are you a vegetarian? He said, no.

I am an American. So the idea is, as if I am American, that means, is of course I love you vegetarian. But, no, that’s not true. But, so sometimes, we may feel guilt when there is no reason to feel guilt. So, sometimes guilt might our sense our conscience may get culturally conditioned.

Culturally conditioned means that because of the family upbringing, because of the way everyone is doing something in a particular society, particular cultural setting, then if we do something different, we may feel guilty. But there is no need for that guilt. So when guilt gets misdirected, we feel it when not needed. And the second, which is more common is, we don’t feel it when it is needed. So So while the first can be damaging, the second can actually be devastating.

And this is not feeling guilt when needed, that is actually typical of the demoniac nature. Demoniac nature means, the way you are going, you are messing up your life. But, they blame that person only. Like somebody is an alcoholic and their family tries to help them give up alcohol and they blame that family only. You know, if you hadn’t been a better spouse, if you had been a better parent, if you had been a better sibling, then I would not have to drink.

So, this is actually called gaslighting. Gaslighting is where we deflect blame away from us to the very person who is actually helping us. So, the characteristic of demoniac nature is that they feel no guilt. Krishna talks about it in the sixteenth chapter when he says that, He says that the demoniac people just kill their rivals, and they think it’s a sign of their cleverness. Yeah.

You know, I eliminated this enemy, and I eliminated that enemy now. And just see how clever I am, just see how smart I am, just see how successful I am. So sometimes for warriors, killing may be required, but to get joy in that and to celebrate that, that may be harmful, that may be dangerous. So demoniac, now of course there are sometimes people who are villainous and they are killing, may be necessary, and may be celebrated also, but still, we have to be very careful about this. So when we do bad and don’t feel bad, that is really bad.

So, Ravan, when he abducted Sita, neither the thought of that plan nor the execution of that plan, never did he feel any guilt at all. No. All he felt was, this is Ram such an inconvenience. I just want Ram to get out of the way. Now, he was misled by Maricha or whoever, actually by Akampana, and Akampana said that Ram is so attached sorry.

Ram is so attached to his wife that he has brought her into the forest also. That means, he won’t be able to live without her. And if you take her away, then he will become weak and he will die. So sometimes crimes like rape are seen as rising from lust. But, you know, that’s only one part of it.

If somebody was just lusty, they could go to a prostitute. Rape and crimes like that arise more out of ego. Ego and pride that expresses itself through lust. So initially, when the Pankarawas wanted to disrupt Draupadi, it is not so much out of lust. It was to humiliate the Pandavas.

So when somebody, one person wants to dominate the other person and force them against their will, that forcing is not because of lust. That is because of ego and pride. It’s a complex combination, but Ravan, when he initially wanted to abduct Sita, he did not even know about Sita’s beauty much. Yes, Shorbankai told her about it. Initially when he thought about it, when a company told him, it was simply a way to get back at Ram.

But when he saw the beauty of Sita, heard about it from Shurparka and saw it himself, he said, this is not about getting back at Ram, this is just for my own enjoyment. So the point over here is whether it was lust or pride, that Rawan had no conscience and therefore he felt no guilt. This is where there are some criminals who are sociopaths and psychopaths, they just remorselessly kill people and that’s a deadly thing. So now, when we have done something wrong and we don’t feel guilt, what do we do at that time? So as I said, guilt is healthy and in some cases, guilt needs to be felt.

So for that purpose, actually, we need three things. We need education. Education, not just intellectual education, philosophical education, but education that leads to the elevation of our emotions, development of our emotions. Some people just don’t have that capacity for empathy. So, you know, here I’m talking about how conscience can be developed.

We need association. We need education. You know, education for emotions. And in many ways, bhakti is all about educating and elevating our emotions. Then most important for developing consciousness is association.

Association is where, if we associate people who have a strong moral compass, then we start thinking, hey, maybe what I’m doing so nonchalantly, maybe I should not be doing this. Some people just lie very casually and they say it’s a harmless lie. And sometimes you con to confront them also, it is, it is, they will just take it nonchalantly That they will focus on it as harmless. Now what happens is sometimes, it is a harmless lie they have spoken. Why did you lie?

They focus on the harmless and we focus on the lie. So why did you speak a lie? It is harmless, but it is a lie, but it is harmless. And sometimes they just not take it, they do not take care for it at all. So when we associate with people who have a very sharp moral compass, By that we start understanding, okay, now this is something which should not be done.

So, if we associate somebody who is, who is very sensitive about the emotions of others, you You know, if you if you speak this if you some suppose somebody in an authority position has to take some disciplinary action against someone, they have to be very careful, okay, what words am I using and how will those words be seen by others. So if we associate someone who is very, very careful about the words, then that helps us, okay, this is what I need also to be careful about. So association is very helpful. And of course, beyond that is purification. Now purification means that see basically, we could consider that our emotions are like our reservoir of energy, And this energy will go in some direction.

So if my emotional energy if somebody has like a hundred hundred watt power backup, and if that is used to charge your fridge, then your store will not work. Or if you are using it to charge your laptop, then your phone will not get charged. So like that, when we are impure, all our emotional energy goes in pursuing that particular desire. So it’s not that a person who is lusty or greedy is by nature heartless, in the sense of not considering others emotions. But they are so caught in their own emotions.

Like if say, if there are three cake pieces and they are meant for three people, and one person is greedy, they will just eat all the three pieces, and they wouldn’t think about the other person. It’s not that they wanted to hurt the other person, but their emotions are so caught in their greed that they just don’t think about the other person. Now what happens is, all these emotions like lust, anger, greed, they make us eye specialists. Not eye specialists, eye specialists. Which is become very self centered.

So purification, what it does is, it releases our emotions from wherever they are locked. So as we chant Hare Krishna and practice bhakti, we start becoming purified. That means the emotions that are locked in the greed, the emotions that are locked in the, last, the emotions that are locked in the jealousy, they start getting unlocked. And then, it’s so if we have a very lot of impurities, then all our emotional energy goes in just feeling what we want to feel, and not feeling what others are feeling or will feel at all. So that’s why purification is vital.

So through education, association, purification, the conscience can be developed and then we will have healthy guilt. Where we should feel guilt, we will start feeling guilt. And that is a good thing, that will make us more careful in actions that may hurt others. And eventually, of course, by the law of karma, hurt ourselves. So now I’ll talk about the last part.

So what do we do about unhealthy guilt? So our topic value is spiritualization of emotions. So we should feel guilt when it is necessary. So Sugri was so caught in his Internet surfing that he forgot his responsibility. But then, when first Hanuman reminded him, then Tara reminded him, And then when Lakshman came, Lakshman didn’t just remind him.

Lakshman started shaking him up. Not physically, Lakshman chastised him. And then what happened is, through all that forceful association, his sense of his responsibility, his sense of his right and wrong awakened. So, it is not that he is an impure person, but it was that he needed that shock. Sometimes that’s what is required.

Sometimes you have to forcefully remind others that of how wrong what they have done is or what they are doing is. So that’s association. Now beyond that, if we move forward towards dealing with the situation where guilt may be now there are some people like Rawan, no matter who reminds them, like, the if their moral compass is asleep, it can be awakened. But if he is dead, nothing can be done to it. Somebody is dead, you can shake them, you can slap them, you can kick them, they are not going to get up.

So Rawan’s moral compass was more or less dead. That’s why neither the good advice of his own relatives, Vibhishan and even, even Mandodari and Mandodari’s father. They all advised, but he didn’t listen to anyone. And nor did he take the warnings coming from Hanuman and Angad also. So either way, some places it just doesn’t work.

And then people who don’t have who don’t feel guilt on doing something wrong, they really have to be punished strongly. If we don’t punish such people, if we don’t forcefully restrain such people, they will keep doing wrong things. The leftist propaganda is that nobody is actually bad. That it is only society which makes people bad. And when people do bad things, it is because society needs to be changed.

So in California, during the pandemic, they had the rule that if anybody shoplifts, as long as they are shoplifting below $750, oh, people are poor, they don’t have bread to eat, they don’t have food, that’s why they are shoplifting. And they said, the police will not even press any charges against them, not even record a complaint. And what happened, people were going and shoplifting and now there are nobody shoplifting bread and food. They were carefully shoplifting iPhones and Louis Vuitton purses, but just below $750, and shoplifted one day and sell the next day on Ebay. So the thing is, that there are bad people.

Of course, everyone at the level of the soul is good, but there are bad people in the world, and they need to be punished, because if they if they do not have a conscience that guides them, then there is consequence that has to guide them. If there is no conscience and there is no consequence, then society will have to bear the consequence. That’s how it is. So for us, how do we stop wrongdoing? There are these only those two factors broadly speaking.

If somebody is doing something wrong, how do they stop? Internally, there is conscience, and externally, there is consequence. Now ideally speaking, both should come together. In the case of the consequence of Dashratha dying also didn’t awaken her conscience. But when Bharat came and chastised her, I said, What do you think you have done?

You think you have done this for my pleasure? She said, I am disgusted with this. She said, I reject you as my mother. So she was shocked. And she got that consequence of rejection from the very person for whom she had done everything.

Then she came out of her stupor, and then she actually severely repented for what she had done. She even came with Ram to beg him to come back from the forest. So now, this is with respect to guilt that is healthy. What about guilt that is unhealthy? That means, guilt that is unhealthy is when we are feeling bad despite not having done something bad.

So what do we do at that time? Now, this can happen because of three things. One is manipulation. So if somebody is deliberately making us feel guilty to control us, like I said, gaslight, like mantra, try to manipulate So at that such a time, we need to distance ourselves from such people. We need to keep a distance.

Such people, sometimes they may just not change. We can change them well and good. If not, at least we need to change the dynamic of our relationship. If there are some people who constantly make us feel bad about ourselves, then we have to see. Of course, there are things in our life we all need to improve.

But to improve, we don’t just need chastisement all the time. We need encouragement also. You know, if I was traveling in America over here and staying at one devotees home, and their their son, he was a young adult, he was driving me around. So we both had a lot of interest in English, so we became friends. And one day when he was driving, he told me, you know, I feel as if my parents don’t love me at all.

I said, what makes you say that? I’ve seen your parents with you. They care for you. Yeah, yeah. He said, they of course care for me, but I think that they love only a future version of me, and they are tolerating me till by if that future version of their dreams emerges.

Now, I think that’s a very insightful observation. So of course I told him that there are so many kids who don’t have parents, who don’t have anyone, who cares neither for their present nor their future. But sometimes it happens that some somebody who is guiding us, they may see where we can be and they want us to rise to those standards. But what happens is, the way they want us to rise to those standards is by constantly making us feel bad about where we are right now. They may not be intentionally manipulating us, and their intention may not be at all bad.

But what they are doing is that it’s as if I feel, if I start feeling that the present me is a terrible person. And so it’s like, nobody in any relationship will feel as if I will be loved only when I get there. And right now, I am being tolerated. And the tolerance may also break at any time. So when that happens, that relationship becomes very stretched.

So basically, there is everyone needs to have an inner negotiation. So, with this point I’ll be concluding, and then we can have some few question answers. What is this inner negotiation? This applies to others also. See, when we are guiding others or instructing others, we may want them to rise.

Now within all of us, there is the present me, and then there is the potential me. There is who I am right now, and there is who I can be. So now, if only the present me is cared for, then what will happen is, that the that means, oh, you know, you like to watch TV, watch TV. You like to go and play games, you go and play games. You like to hang out with your friends and party, do that.

Whatever makes you happy, do that. No. Say for example, if parents care only for the present child, then the child will stagnate. The child may even degrade. But on the other hand, if we so these are like two extremes of pendulum, if we care only for the potential me, That means if the parents care, oh, you know, you have so much talent, you can become a great achiever, or you can become a great devotee.

You know, you can do this, you can do that, you can do that. If we care only for the potential me without caring for the present me, what will happen is, the person will suffocate. That there is it’s only when I get there, I will be loved and accepted and respected. Until that time, I am barely being tolerated. Now, that is also a very unhealthy state.

If you feel suffocated too much, then what happens is, you just want to go away from that place. So, the ideal situation is, there has to be both, the present me and the potential me. So, the present me and the potential me, each person has to balance the needs of both of them. So, the present me needs to be accepted. And even not as accepted, but also appreciated.

It’s not that as I say, somebody accepted means it just as if I’m tolerating you. That is the basic level and definitely has to be there. But along with that, there is good in each one of us at present also. And that needs to be appreciated. Say, we can’t fast Nizjaloni kadashi.

We can beat ourselves, why can’t why don’t I fast Nizjal? Or we can we can appreciate ourselves. Okay. Maybe six months ago, I would not even be able to fast from one meal also, but now I am able to skip one meal. So the presently where I am, that also needs to be appreciated.

Now the potential me, the potential me, that is also very important. You know, there is each one of us can become so much better. And the potential me has to be fanned. Fanned means it’s like a fuel. It’s like a it’s like a fire.

The fan when you do fan, what happens it? It grows. Now it has to be fanned means the person has to be encouraged, the person has to be inspired. But fanning alone is not enough. Along with fanning, it has to be facilitated.

Facilitated means, okay, come on, you can do this. Yes. That’s good. But, you know, how do I do this? Suppose the child is trying to learn how to cycle and child keeps falling down.

The parent says, come on. You can do it. Come on. You can do it. Yeah.

But why am I falling down? Tell me that. Isn’t it? Maybe the child is pedaling too much on one side of the leg. And that’s why the child’s cycle is going off balance.

Okay. You know, don’t pedal so much with this leg. Paddle also with that leg also. Use equal force. That means you have to give practical help also.

What is it that you are not able to do? So the potential me has to also be found and facilitated. So when there is so if somebody is focusing only on the potential me and not caring for the present me, then the guilt that results over there can be unhealthy, because it can be very discouraging. That, you know, oh, I should be there and I’m not there, and because I’m not there, Krishna, Krishna is displeased with me. This beautiful letter of Prabhupada where he says that I am never displeased with any member of his god.

What Prabhupada means is that just by being a part of his moment, we please him. Now, of course, within the moment we can do more and more, and that will please him more and more. But the basic foundation is is a foundation of acceptance and appreciation. From there we grow forward. So the key point is that here, this is if I am here now, and Krishna is here, and say, some wrong action is here.

Some wrongdoing is here. What should happen is, guilt should act like a blockade. Guilt should be here, and it stops me from doing something wrong. And this guilt is positive. But sometimes, guilt ends up coming over here, where we feel, because of guilt, so discouraged that we feel as if, I’m just not capable of doing this.

I cannot do this at all. So I don’t want devotee. He was a very dynamic devotee when I I introduced him to Bhakti, then I moved to another place as a part of my service. I met him after many years. Now, I met him in California.

He is, he is now one of the biggest preachers and patrons of the Ramakrishna Mission there. So I met him when I came California. I saw one of the programs. He came to meet me. And I asked him what happened.

So he was introduced to what he he, when he was introduced, he was in one of the IITs in India. I used to go there regularly, so he would attend my classes. And we would have a lot of discussions. So he said, I loved the philosophy and I just felt that it was not practical for me. It’s just impossible for me.

And I got very frustrated. I felt very guilty about it. And then after finally I decided I cannot live with such a guilt, so I just left Krishna consciousness. Then I found a spiritual path that was more doable for me. So I said, okay, so what part of, of Krishna consciousness did you feel was not doable for you?

So he said, I was told that I should read only Prabhupada’s books. And since the age of five, every week I read two books. And not just like light novels. I like to write self help books, I read, non fiction. So every year I read at least hundred books.

And when they told me that you should read only Prabhupada’s books, I felt this is impossible for me. And when I said I would like to read other books, I was constantly made to feel guilty about it. And that’s why I decided I cannot live with this. Now, you know, we should read Prabhupada’s book. We should read Shastra.

But different people are different. Some people who have a more intellectual nature, they live with books. They will read a light variety. We should not be in the business of telling people don’t read this other stuff. Because when you read Shastra.

Now, there is no need for anyone to make him feel guilty for reading other books. And now this is such a trivial reason because of which somebody left Krishna conscious. That person who is a big leader in our movement could have done so much service for Krishna. So what happens is that sometimes certain people have certain needs. If somebody is intellectual, they will want to read widely.

For most people, to get them to read even one book is difficult. That’s why, okay, it’s true. Tell them, no, don’t read too many books. That is true. Now what when the Goswami say this, but you look at what the Goswami themselves They themselves have read a lot of books.

And they quote even from literature within the Vedic canon that is non devotional. And the whole Rasa tradition, they quote from contemporary authors also. So the point is, some people may have particular needs. Somebody is very much into music and you tell that person, if you no. If somebody wants somebody to be faithful to Prabhupadhyas.

So you if you are to be faithful to Prabhupad, the way is you should sing only Prabhupada’s Hare Krishna Dhun Kirtan. No other dhuns allowed. If you sing any other dhun, you are being a deviate. This person will feel musically suffocated. Isn’t it?

And of course, we don’t do that, but, you know, just as people have musical needs, people have intellectual needs. So, now of course, there are boundaries that need to be set, but different people may need different boundaries. And somebody who is very much into music, they may want to also hear some secular music. Okay. What kind of musical trends are going on in the world?

And they may want to present bhakti according to those musical trends. And they are not hearing music for self gratification. They are hearing it for service. So we cannot have a one size fit all for everyone. There needs to be some customization and accommodation.

So the idea is that everybody needs to feel accepted and appreciated where they are at. And then, they can be facilitated to grow further. So, when we learn to do this, either if we are feeling in our bhakti that I am not accepted and appreciated right now, then we need to find the devotees with whom we will be accepted and appreciated. Isn’t the devotee associate itself, there are some who will appreciate, some who will not appreciate us. But finding that is very important.

When you find that, then this unhealthy feeling of constant guilt, constant insecurity, constant inadequacy, that will go away. That doesn’t mean I am perfect. Of course, we have a long way to go. But here we are, we are accepted and appreciated. From there, we can keep moving forward step by step.

So I’ll summarize what I discussed today. We talked about Guilt Management, and in that, today’s topic was the second part. So first I talked about how the Ramayana is into basically the spiritualization of emotions. The spiritualization of emotions can happen in two ways. One is by directly directing our emotions toward Krishna, and other emotions also, we connect them with Krishna.

So when we do this, then our emotions can be spiritualized. And then within that, I discussed about specifically we focus on the theme of guilt, and when we are talking about guilt, how guilt is actually healthy. It is even necessary. It is positive because it protects us from wrongdoing. It protects us from ruining.

When we do something bad, we feel bad on doing that. And that is due to guilt. And for some people, this this comes from conscience. So we don’t have to increase our guilt, but we do have to increase our sense of conscience. And that can be done by three things.

That is our education. Education especially in terms of emotions and how our actions impact others, then association, associating people who have a strong moral compass, and purification, by which our emotions that were locked in something become freed, so that they are available for other things. We don’t remain eye specialists, and we start becoming more empathic towards others. Now, such a guilt is good. Now when we are trying to go through life, guilt can also be negative.

Guilt can become misdirected when we feel guilty when we need not, and we don’t feel guilty when we should. So if the negative will come because of constantly feeling of inadequacy. If the present me and the future me, or the potential me. So in the, if there’s only the present me is cared for, that’s not good enough, then we’ll stagnate. If the only the future me is cared for, we’ll suffocate.

So ideally speaking, what happens? In the balance, both the present me needs to be accepted, and not just accepted, but also appreciated. And at the same time, the potential me also needs to be fanned. Yes, you can do better. You need to be encouraged, and then also practically facilitated.

So when both of these are done, and we are provided association that enables us to do this, then that’s how a person will be able to grow. And every devotee, where they are, whatever the conditionings may be, the devotee needs to be accepted and appreciated, feel accepted and appreciated. And each devotee has the individual responsibility to find the association where we’ll be accepted and appreciated. And as a community, we also need to have the responsibility to cultivate that mood within the broader community. So let us pray to Lord Ramachandra that just as he is, my dear Lord, you have demonstrated beautiful emotions which all are centered on you and which bring closer to, everyone closer to you.

Please, oh lord, help us to also develop similar sublime and spiritual emotions and let our guilt bring us closer to you and never cause us to go away from you. Help us to gently cultivate healthy emotions of guilt that protect us.